The last couple weeks has pushed me into a position of action. I've been forced to take a look at my life and relationship and decide if I'm going to carry on exactly like before or do something to create change. I decided it was time for some therapy, I've always wanted it, envied those that were able to indulge ;-). The moment I walked into the door of her suite, I knew I was in the right place. I felt so comfortable and relaxed immediately. Slowly taking in the surroundings I was becoming more and more convinced this was a fantastic decision. Then I saw her bookshelf, it was full of book titles that I recognized and loved, or wanted to love, if I had the chance to read them. I had a few nerves about how this was all gonna go down but more than that I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Thankfully she was running way late since Mr. Aries happened to be too. He did arrive and when she exited her office I knew I was going to like her, she had a very relaxed, open presence. Sure enough the entire session was wonderful. I feel like a weight has been lifted, just knowing we get to meet with her again next week. Knowing that whatever the process holds the end result for both of us is to become more compassionate with ourselves, each other and grow as human beings.
When I left I went to pick up the little man and headed home to put him down for a nap. A few minutes after he fell asleep there was a knock at the door. It was Mr. Aries uncle, he looked so miserable. He had lost tons of weight and was slouched over as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He is a very tall man, like 6'7 or something, but he seemed so small. He didn't say a word, I just told him to come in. He walked in, sat down and then just started telling me everything. How at his stage in life he would have never thought he would have ended up the way he is right now; practically homeless, unemployed for months, bankrupt business and not a single person in his life. This is a man that I have always liked but over the last 9 or so years I've known him I have gotten to know nothing about him. He is very quiet to say the least, he only shows up twice a year- on Thanksgiving and Christmas. He stays all day, sitting on the couch watching TV and responding only when I make him with my little friendly gestures.
The thing that has been resonating with me today after his visit is how he said he just couldn't get past the 6 decisions he made in his life that put him where he is right now. He kept beating himself up about leaving our town and was putting full blame on these 6 decisions. Of course I told him that can't be true, he never could have known exactly how everything would have turned out, he did what he thought was right at the time so it was right. Not to mention the fact that those 6 decisions are in the past, can't be changed and having a little compassion for himself right now would be a great thing. He just said he couldn't. I was so grateful that I was home when he stopped by. I was so grateful that a few hours earlier I knew what it felt like to need nothing more than someone to just listen, validate. I'm thankful for my therapy session moments prior to Uncle B's visit. He told me this was the most fun he had had since January and all I did was really listen and show him that I'm here .
Anyway, the reason it is resonating with me today is because I got to thinking about some major decisions I've made in my life. One, always wanting to be a teacher. I wanted to major in education but my mom kept telling me it wasn't the right choice. After tons of arguing I went with her pick, Hospitality Management, in hopes of travel and a decent salary (her words). Kinda crazy how after graduating college and working in hotels I never liked it. Then after a few years of hotels I ended up going back to school for my master's and teaching certificate. That decision to go to school for Hospitality Management changed the entire course of my life, but at the same time, in time I was lead back. It helps me appreciate how some things just take time. It will all fall into place in due time if it's meant to be.
We make decisions that we have to live with and if it's meant to be it will happen.
I'm glad things went so well at therapy and that you loved her! That makes all the difference!
ReplyDeleteI hope Aries' uncle finds some peace and maybe comes to visit with you more often. I can hardly wait to get to know you more!